Plane Silly

Well, on my transport hobby horse again. I must be getting quite boring. But this time it's air travel. The question is; how to turn a non event into something vaguely interesting. It's Monday, the first day back to work after a few days off. During those few days I got a txt from work saying that I had to be in Livingston for a 10:00am meeting this Monday. "Ah, that's short notice" I exclaim to myself - or something along those lines, during which time the swear box got a couple of pounds richer. A quick web search demonstrates that I will need to be out of bed about 4am if I take plane from Heathrow, or if it's Gatwick I can have a relatively late departure from home of about 6:15. That's feasible - I might manage to wake for that. I check the web again, Hmmm doesn't look too clever, Gatwick are remodelling the North Terminal car park - so no parking there. But, transfer from South Terminal is quick and frequent so ....I ring the wonderful Amelia, our departmental secretary. She does some magic and lo and behold a few hours later electronically booked tickets appear in my e-mail. Thus far so good. And, come Sunday I manage to work my way through BA's eCheckin and pick my seats for outbound and return flights - and its a breeze. I'm feeling happy - I've just saved myself about 30mins of tedious queuing to collect tickets.

Monday morning; 5:30. I wake. I listen - it's raining. Hard! The prospect of a quick ride on the bike looks less than pleasant.Arriving with soaking wet clobber and nowhere to dry it - not a nice prospect. I wake my wife and beg a lift to the station to try and catch 6:14 train (47 minutes to Gatwick - 6:18 train 1hr 30mins; amazing what a difference those 4 minutes can make) credit where credit is due - she is happy to give a lift to the station. Come 6:10 we still haven't left the house, the 6:14 train looks unlikely, but the weather has improved to the extent I won't get soaked. I jump into the biker gear and leap on the bike. 30 minutes later Gatwick. I even find parking for the bike. And I make the transfer from South to North Terminals as planned. It's all going swimmingly.

Security. Ah, security! It's looking a little busy. I join the merry throng. We do a very slow conga through the tapes. Many people wave clear plastic bags full of colourful cosmetics - how festive. We wind down to the booth officials. I have a very dodgy picture taken as I pass through boarding control and on towards the metal/bomb detectors. I divest myself of mostly everything, including my jacket. I pass through, I fail, I get thoroughly patted down and have my belt, watch, cufflinks and motorbike boots examined. Boots cause a raised eyebrow, I explain that I'm not a goth and my bike is parked at the South Terminal - hence, also, the rather heavy jacket. I pass on through. Loads of time left, I stroll rather than rush to the boarding gate. I stroll rather rush onto the plane. I sit down. I relax. I look at my watch - 15 minutes to take off...... 5 minutes to take off .....2 minutes to take off. Announcement from captain - 'Sorry our plane is disintegrating as we sit here I have decided to delay take off until some engineers can be found to stick it back together'. Engineers arrive with parts, ETD is now 9:15 rather than 8:10. ...... I look at my watch 9:00 ...... 9:10. Another announcement from our esteemed captain - another delay, maybe the glue hadn't quite set or the part couldn't quite be hammered into place. Another hour sat here by the terminal. 10:15 - the captain announces we're OK to depart. Ah, only 2 hours late for the meeting then. Another delay, I would have decamped the plane.

Some hours and a meeting later, and now - here I sit in Edinburgh airport. As I type this, ominous announcements over the tannoy declare "Your attention please! The fire alarm has been activated in another area. Please remain where you are and await further announcements." I await the announcement that says "PANIC!!!!" At last boarding is called and we take our allotted seats. After a mere 1 hour extra delay, passenger missing error, we can depart - homeward bound at last!